Doing What is Expected

I’ve always had a problem doing “what is expected” and my mother-in-law’s death is no exception.

When we got the call at 3:15am Friday morning we didn’t rush to the nursing home. I guess some people would have. My husband had been there at 8pm the previous evening and had brought her a vanilla shake from Wendy’s. They had a good conversation and hubby said the MIL appeared to be doing well. So what would be the point of rushing to the nursing home? None that we could see. We still don’t know the cause of death but I’m 99% sure it was her heart. She had heart surgery in 1962 and at that time the doctors gave her 10 years to live. I guess she showed them!

So on Friday we didn’t go to the funeral home and didn’t go to her house to look for important papers and we didn’t go to the nursing home to pick up her belongings. We stayed home and didn’t go anywhere at all. We made numerous phone calls to family and her friends and just chilled out. I imagine most people would think that was weird but my husband was freaking exhausted from the long hours he had been putting in with his mother and the stress he has been under for so many years now I felt like he needed a day off. It was worth it too.

So on Saturday we did go to her house to look for her pre-paid cremation policy (finally found something that looked like it) and went to the NH to pick up her stuff. I got kind of creeped out at the nursing home. The receptionist only had the MIL’s purse at the front desk and didn’t know where her clothes and other personal items were. doh! You’d think they would have a system in place to handle this. The receptionist asked us to go and ask the nurse at the nurses station that is directly across from the room the Old Lady was in.

Ya know, I’ve been fine and dandy throughout all of this but when we stepped off the elevator it hit me really hard all of a sudden. I suppose it was because the last time I stepped out of that elevator I walked into the Old Lady’s room and there she was, babbling and bitching and complaining in all her glory. I had to choke back tears and at first thought I should just wait at the elevator. I did manage to pull myself together and went to the nurses station with my husband. I guess my morbid side couldn’t help it but I looked into the room and saw that there was another resident there already. Of course there would be, this nursing home is only a 113 bed facility and is one of the best in the county. It did creep me out though.

The nurse had no idea where the MIL’s stuff was so she sent us back down to the receptionist. *sigh* LOL, so much for best in the county! Truthfully though, I’ve been to a few NH’s that family members were in and while I firmly believe there are no good ones, this one really is a higher caliber then the others I’ve seen. So they got on their walkie talkies to housekeeping and her belongings were delivered to us straight away. Not that she had anything of value, but hubby had taken our atomic clock to her to use and we really did want that back.

Next stop was the funeral home. This is the fourth family member that has been cremated at this mortuary. My mother in 2000, my brother in 2004, the old lady’s sister in 2005 and now the Old Lady. I figure I’ll be the next one but that’s morbidity for another day. The mortuary was pretty easy. All we had to do was provide information discuss a few things. We are not holding services in Florida. My husband is shipping her ashes to Iowa and will fly up in the spring to hold services at that time. I guess is weird and not what is expected that we aren’t having services in Florida but we don’t want to so that’s that.

Today we plan to go to her house and start sorting through things. I’m a big fan of procrastination but I know the sooner we get started the sooner we will be finished. Blah.