I spent the day out on the town with the Old Lady yesterday. (Her doctors office and Bob Evans for lunch is the town for the two of us, hehe.) It was a stressful day for me but I can’t pinpoint the exact cause of the stress. I think it was an accumulation of things.
I had a hard time with the stubborn old coot (can females be coots?) when we got home. We have been using the same routine to get her out of the car and back into her house for over a year now and yesterday the routine got upset. Well, I got upset would be a better way to put it.
Normally I help her out of the car, run ahead, unlock her house door and run back behind her and help her to the steps. There are 3 or 4 steps but when you’re 84 years old it is like a mountain. So anyway, after I unlock the house door I usually run down and stand behind her while she leaves her walker at the bottom of the steps and uses the hand railing to help herself walk up. Then I bring the walker into the house.
Yesterday the routine was thrown off a bit because I ran ahead and unlocked the door, but I had to make sure Lilly the cat was still behind the gate we had put in the hall to keep her in the back part of the house. Lilly can jump over it but she doesn’t know it yet. I never know if she is going to be where she is supposed to be or if she will be standing near the door ready to make a run for it.
I don’t know why I agreed to this but when the mother-in-law tells me to do something I always assume the child role and feel like I have mind my elders. I was at the top of the stairs when she got there and she said “grab my walker and pull it up and I’ll hold on to it and go up behind it”. I argued but it didn’t do any good. I said we never do it this way. She said she didn’t want me to lift it by myself. LOL, I’ve been lifting it for a few years now - it isn’t that heavy. So when I said we never do it this way she said “I want to do it this way now!” so I felt like I didn’t have a choice.
I could just kick myself in the ass for letting her bully me into doing something that was really dangerous for her. So I grabbed the walker and started pulling it up one step at a time (it has wheels on the front) and she was coming up behind it. I should have been behind her like I always am. If she had fallen backwards I would have blamed myself for the rest of my life. The lady can barely pick up her feet to walk and has very poor balance. Nothing bad happened but what could have happened it is playing out like a bad movie in my head.
When she was halfway up I snapped “if you fall whose fault will it be!?” and you know what? I really don’t know. I guess it would be both our faults. Hers for being freaking stubborn (most things are a control issue for her) and mine for agreeing to it against my better judgement.
Now I’m mad at her for “making me” do something that could have put her in jeopardy but most of all I’m mad at myself for not being assertive by insisting we come in the way I believe is the safest for her. I’d rather her fall on me than on the concrete if she ever does fall. She broke her back in 2004 and I don’t think she can take another fall.
I try to be understanding with this fiercely independent woman who has had to relinquish control of the most ordinary activities of daily living. But I won’t allow her control issues to put her safety at risk again. I just need to keep a cool head. She can be a bully and I usually just shrug and say “whatever” just to keep from fighting. She is going to be surprised next time when I hold my ground. heh
Oh, her protime test was 3.1 and was 2.9 last time. Normal is between 2 and 3. We have to go back again in two weeks.
I really like the way you write. I found myself thinking that I’d give the old cow a push for being such a contrary individual and then I thought, no, Anna is doing the right thing. But the last thing I thought was, ‘Well what about her husband aka the old coots son?’ Perhaps he needs to give her a razz for putting so much pressure on you?
Like someone else we know…Just saying.